H and I have just completed our third week of Montessori "play group" or PTP (Parent Toddler Program) at our local Montessori school. From the title of my post you may think this has been an enjoyable experience - it hasn't. H is the most raucous child in the group and the entire two hours is fraught with anxiety and stress. Most of the other children have been attending for three terms and are pretty well adjusted to the rules and routines, and my child isn't exactly a "rules and routines" type at the best of times, so it's challenging.
But things are changing.
The first week was a nightmare. Screaming, crying, stomping, hitting - you name it, we saw it. The second week, less so. Yesterday, H was engaged in some activities for up to fifteen minutes, and actively sought to "work", putting rubbish away voluntarily and happily washing her plate, cup etc. There were still tears; there was even one tantrum. But the improvement was HUGE.
Amazingly, we have also seen improvements at home. I can't put this all down to Montessori - I really believe H was sick and teething for about two weeks there not long ago, and was just miserable. But I've noticed myself becoming firmer, and speaking more affirmatively, and the results are pretty spectacular. Not only has H very quickly adjusted her behaviours, even her attitude towards her Dad has improved - perhaps because she realises she can't manipulate Mum quite so much? Or maybe more because she's felt a little more empowered.
Here are the top five changes I've made around the home, based on what the class leader at PTP has told me:
1) Speak affirmatively/don't ask questions - I am a shocker when it comes to passive language. "Where do the toys go?" "Do you want to go upstairs now?" etc. This has been the main thing the PTP leader has picked me up on and I've noticed myself doing it SO often. Instead I should be saying "Your doll goes here, put her away please," and "We're going upstairs now". I have to keep telling myself that H is TWO and needs to be TOLD what to do, not asked. Further to that, questions stress her out and invite the response "No!" - I have found speaking affirmatively to make a huge difference so far.
2) Don't praise - Another thing I am terrible with; constantly saying "Good girl" when really all H is doing is what is expected of her. Instead of this I've started the "object and action" approach, so stating "You're cleaning your mess" or "You're tidying your toys" instead of saying "Good girl" or "Good job".
3) Set the bar high - I do way too much for H because it is either easier or I don't think she can do it herself. It's amazing what she actually can do when given the opportunity. One small thing she has started doing after only three weeks at Montessori is taking her plate to her table to eat and bringing it back to the sink to clean after her meal. This sounds small but is a HUGE development for her, considering just weeks ago she would throw food on the floor and expect me to clean it up - because I would! She has also started wiping down her table after her meal and the satisfaction she gets is huge. Our house isn't really set up for anything more (preparing food herself etc) but I'm working on it.
4) Don't punish - The PTP leader has really encouraged me to make WAY less of a big deal out of H's digressions - her hitting, pushing, shreaking etc. - and instead simply divert her attention. My major draw card at the moment is "Can you hear that?" - it immediately pulls her out of a dark mood as she strains to listen, and I usually just make something up like a plane or a bird. When she throws something, I ask her if she would like to come outside and throw a ball. If she pushes or hits at the park I either immediately take her for a walk elsewhere or straight home. This is particularly good for H who just thrives on attention, negative or positive. I immediately cringe whenever someone scolds her (her Dad, a friend, etc.) because I know she's only bound to repeat the behaviour. So diverting instead of punishing is a great alternative and seems to be working well so far - she actually hasn't pushed much for a while.
5) Set up your home - Okay, I lie, I haven't done this yet but I'm in the process of making our home Montessori friendly. I am purchasing
this shelving system with wooden shelves from Ikea and setting them up with some of H's toys as well as some "activities", and also getting rid of a whole heap of toys. There are SO MANY blogs out there with advice on how to Montessori-fy your home as well as great Montessori activities for toddlers. This is especially great at Christmas time, because there is an excellent excuse for getting a lot of new activities and getting rid of those that aren't appropriate.
Some of my fav Montessori blogs so far are:
1)
Jacaranda Tree
2)
How We Montessori
3)
Three Oaks Blog
I'm very new to this so I'm sure there are WAY more amazing blogs but there is enough inspiration on these three alone to keep you going for months. Whether you believe in Montessori's philosophies or not, there are so many great ideas for infant and toddler activities on these blogs, they are truly worth checking out.
Meanwhile today, I set up a small activity based on those we've worked on at PTP. It is really so easy once you get inspired. I picked up some coloured bag clips from Coles for $2.50 and used some little boxes from my Lipton Tea as containers.
I directed H in the beginning, showing her how to sort the clips into colours, count the colours, line them up etc. She was engaged for about fifteen minutes which is pretty cool! I will probably rotate this one out again in a few weeks.
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| My little worker |
Anyway, I am really hoping to keep you updated as I implement some of the home improvements - toy shelves and activities, kitchenware, making my benches accessible and so forth - so please stay tuned!
Z x
