One of these is sleep. She has slept twelve hours a night, sometimes more, uninterrupted since six months old. Prior to this she woke once a night from six weeks old. No matter what issues we've had during the day, which have included some nasty illnesses and minor accidents, her sleep of an evening has been pretty much unaffected. Two exceptions have been when she had hand foot and mouth and needed to be rocked to sleep, and a bout of 5/5.30am waking at around eight months old. That's it.
I definitely believe some of this comes down to luck - and genetics - I myself am a great sleeper. My husband is a restless sleeper and apparently was as a child too. That said, I've always been very strict when it comes to sleep. We have a young relative who has always been a nightmare sleeper and we always said we'd do whatever it took to avoid the issues her parents have with her. So from day one I didn't want any nonsense at bed time.
I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to sleep. Hardly - I've pulled my hair out over naps more times than I can count. I'm also aware that many will disagree with my approach. But I've definitely learnt a lot these past few years, including the fact that of all my mother's group, every single mother has eventually resorted to teaching their child to self settle, whether they did it at one month or one year.
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| This is the aim! |
With that in mind, these are my top tips for teaching your child to sleep:
1) ROUTINE: Put your child to bed at the same time every night, and establish a firm bedtime routine - ours is bath, books, bed, but really whatever winds your child down and signals sleep time is fine. We were completely uptight with H and always had her in bed by 7pm from two weeks old, which of course meant that we always needed a babysitter or only one of us could head out, but do I regret it? No WAY. I will do it again. Once the child is sleeping well there is room to wiggle - we sometimes head out until 8.30pm or so these days and H copes, as long as she is back to her now bedtime of 7.30pm the next night.
2) Never rock your child to sleep: Now of course, you can rock your child to sleep if you bloody well like, I don't care. But if you really want to establish good sleeping habits, resist the temptation. Don't just leave them to "cry it out" - I genuinely spent HOURS patting H to sleep to the sound of white noise on my iPhone rather than rock her. It wasn't easy. But it worked, eventually.
3) That said, crying isn't lethal: I always cringe when I see a parent run to their child's every whimper. The only way a baby can communicate is to cry. If you actually allow your child to cry, you will quickly be able to determine what kind of cry it is you're hearing - I became an expert at distinguishing the "I'm tired and I'm putting myself to sleep" cry and the "I'm tired but I'm so bloody tired I'll never get to AAAAAAAH" cry. The latter required intervention (and still does!) while the former really NEEDED to be ignored so my daughter could put herself to sleep. It was usually about a ten second cry with a 15-30 second gap in between cries.
4) Keep them out of your bed: My aforementioned relative is nearly eight and still climbs into Mum and Dad's bed every night. If you're okay with this, great. My husband and I are totally not. We are both tall and our bed is full. We need our time to ourselves and we don't plan to have an only child, so it's just not practical for us. I let H sleep with me ONCE and it took days to undo that damage. Months of sleeping together could take up to a year to undo - if, as I say, you don't want that, then just don't start. It's not worth it.
5) Napping - sometimes they just WON'T sleep: H was always a difficult napper and can still be tough. That said, due to my anal tendencies I persevered and she generally naps very well. Still, there were so many days where she would have a 20 minute sleep or simply not sleep at all and I would sit for HOURS patting and shushing and singing and ending up having a meltdown. I would have been far better off getting her up, having a play and trying again in an hour. I think I just put so much focus on her sleeping that I had my blinkers on. As much as I would do it all the same way, I would definitely take a more relaxed approach to naps. If you do it right at night, the day will largely take care of itself, and from mothers groups and the like I've learnt that all kids nap VERY differently.
6) Wrap: I had to wrap my daughter SO tight as a baby in order for her to settle. Most Mums do this anyway these days but it's worth mentioning - I used Love Me baby wraps.
7) White Noise: I downloaded a White Noise baby app on my phone when H was about three weeks old and she went to sleep to the tune of rain for weeks afterwards. H started sleeping 7pm-4am at six weeks but would then be really hard to settle back down, and white noise really saved us then too - it just settled her right down. Apparently it sounds like the mother's womb, which comforts them. Can't recommend this enough!
8) Use a comforter: We used a dummy with H which is totally cheating but I swear, I will use it again. Unfortunately she still has it, which is annoying as she is not only two but looks closer to three, but I really couldn't give a stuff what anyone thinks. I know she will give it up when I can be bothered to make her. As well as the "Dum Dum" we gave H a stuffed bunny that she still takes to bed with her today - it is great as not only a sleep signal but a comfort at bed time.
Honestly, it is just that simple. It's not EASY, but it's simple. Obviously there are always other issues at play - personality, disposition, size, health and so forth. But the majority of healthy, well fed and tired babies should be able to sleep at least six hours straight at night. If you're lucky enough to have one who sleeps all night, woohoo! You might just get one who gives you the run around all DAY to make up for it.
Z x
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