Insane in the mem-brain

When I was pregnant I had chronic baby brain. Working as a copywriter this wasn't a great thing - I would frequently find spelling and grammatical errors, and sometimes simply sentences that didn't make sense, or drifted off into an entirely different subject matter. Looking back, I really wasn't all there.

I think this can be blamed on hormonal shifts as well as being focused on something pretty massive - the little life growing inside you. All the pregnancy books told me about this, and said it was normal, so I felt okay about my new stupid status. But no one told me how stupid I would be AFTER the baby was born.

I am sooooo stupid!! To start with, I'm just not as quick as I once was. I can barely think of something to say in a standard adult conversation, let alone engage in witty repartee (because once, I was so witty...ha!).  My family like to laugh at me because I have a bad habit of being very quick to jump on other people's mistakes and being a liiiiittle critical of others ("HAHAHA that's not the saying you IDIOT" - me, circa 2010), and now I'm the one constantly saying dumb things and just not getting jokes.

Being all exasperated with myself

 Anyway that's just one element of my stupidity. Last week I had a total shocker. I had a semi-stressful afternoon looking after a friend's daughter, and was eager to get home, put Heike to bed and relax. After buckling Heike in, I realised I had no idea what I'd done with my keys. I'd opened the car, so they had to be somewhere. In the console....? No. In the boot....? No. In the pram....? Nup. Bag? Nein! Under Heike?!? No way Jose! Cue: Total Meltdown.



By this point Heike had gone from a little grizzly to fairly upset, which was only intensified by my own stress. I ended up enlisting the help of my friend, a stranger on the street and my husband, who drove twenty minutes from work to rescue us. In the end, the keys were found...ON TOP of the CAR!! Needless to say I was more than a little embarrassed, and baffled at my own stupidity.

Nonetheless, this is what having a baby does to you. Countless people have told me how "silly" and "vague" they felt after having babies. Personally though, I'd be tempted to say I'm actually smarter, or at least much more worldly - I just have too much on my mind. Think about it - sterilising and preparing bottles, remembering feed and nap times, scheduling mother's and play group meetings, packing an epic-sized bag EVERY TIME you leave the house, cooking purees, playing varied games - and that's just for the bubs! On top of that we have to look after ourselves and our families, keep the house running, stay fit and healthy and hey, maybe even a few days of work a week too! So we're basically the smartest people alive...sort of.

Anyway, my stupid week didn't end there. Apparently I have developed a penchant for leaving things on top of the car. After leaving Heike's bottle on the car roof while catching up with a girlfriend later in the week, I was chilling at home after mother's group on Tuesday when I realised I had a few missed calls on my mobile from an unknown number. Next thing our home phone rings, with my husband on the other end:

Him: "Hi babe. Where's your wallet?"

Me: "Um...."

Him: "It was on top of your car!!!"

A lovely neighbourly woman had found my wallet on top of my car in the street, and had managed to locate our mobile numbers on a layby receipt. Again, massive embarrassment having to call her and arrange pick up, and massive reflection on my part as to why I keep doing this! I think I need to take a few things out of the insane vault that is my brain and lock them away until Heike is, maybe, 19 and I have the time and energy to return to them.

Did you lose your marbles post-baby?

Z x