Mother's who Meet (and Chat, and Eat)

Is it just me or does everyone have a horror story they've heard about mother's groups? I'd been told a few before I had Heike. Competitive, judgemental and bitchy were just some of the words used to describe one friend's experience with her first mother's group, and they were some of the nicer ones.

You can imagine, then, that I wasn't too confident trotting off to an early mother's group in Bondi when Heike was just three weeks old. To start with, I was mixed feeding at the time and soooo paranoid to admit it that I made sure I fed her just before we left so I wouldn't have a hungry baby on my hands when we got there. On top of that, I was the only one of my friends with a baby so was fairly confident there wouldn't be too many other mums in their mid-20s. I was desperate to make friends and didn't want to be written off simply because I was young.

Much to my surprise and delight, it was nothing like I expected, despite being kind of like an AA meeting for struggling Mums - bedraggled Mums and babies sitting in a circle and relaying their week's failures. Almost all (ALMOST all - there's always one) of the mums were incredibly down to earth, realistic, understanding and generally lovely. One even pulled out a bottle, which literally filled me with joy and hope (perhaps a sign of how hard it was for me to come to terms with not breastfeeding!).

Since that first day, I've made a handful of firm friends from the twenty or so mothers who eventually became my mother's group. We moved suburbs when Heike was 14 weeks old and I was genuinely sad to leave behind the amazing group of women I met in Bondi.

Luckily, I was put in touch with another mother's group in our area, and was fortunate enough to strike another jackpot. My new mother's group is full of honest, compassionate and normal women who aren't afraid to say they have bad days and tell it like it is. Fantastic!

The thing I love most about mother's group is it's the only place in the world where I can talk to people who actually care how many times Heike goes to the toilet a day. And hey, they might even engage - they might provide some feedback on this fascinating statistic! Even Justus isn't as interested in Heike's movements as some of my mum's group friends.

Me and my gal pals, taken yesterday

They also just GET IT. So, you know, I can sit there and explain how I walked up and down out the front of my house in a vain attempt to get Heike to take a late afternoon nap and became so frustrated that my head felt vaguely like it may explode off of my body, and then Heike started laughing at me and it was so funny yet also really NOT funny and actually a liiiiitle bit depressing....and they will REALLY GET IT. Not just nod and say poor you and change the subject.

And anyway, you don't want to tell your other friends those stories. You want to be the cool together Mum who's got it all figured out and can still talk about men (same old one) and clothes (don't fit me) and music (The Wiggles?) so that your friends can still be persuaded into hanging out with you. Hell if you invite them over once the baby's asleep they might even seek your companionship!

So, if you're not in a mother's group I suggest (with a wealth of knowledge and expertise behind me) you find out how to be, stat. Who knows, you may be as blessed as me and find one where baked goods are frequently included.

Z xx