Wow I have sooo much I want to blog about and so little time! Over the last week, so much has gone on that I could write loads about, and I've had a few lightbulb moments, but simply no time or energy to get it down.
First of all, we were having some sleep issues last week, both day and night. Frustratingly, whenever I have sleep issues (with Heiks! My issues are a whole different story...) almost everyone tells me it must be teething, while those who don't assure me Heike is going through a "developmental phase". By this stage, then, she should have a mouth full of teeth and be walking and talking. But no, she is still stationary and toothless. So my personal belief is simply that, like you and me, sometimes she sleeps better than others.
Anyway after being up settling throughout the night and dealing with catnapping during the day, whenever we did get a good nap in I was napping myself last week. The guilt surrounding this was intense. Even though I am an inherently lazy person, I also constantly feel guilty if I'm not doing something - when I'm watching TV I'll also read the news and fold washing, etc. I think this comes from having hardworking parents who I rarely saw relax. But anyway, I had a few long naps last week, and I needed them. I highly recommend it to any parents who suffer nap guilt like myself! You may feel bad about yourself, but you will also inevitably feel like superwoman (or man) on a physical level.
On top of the sleep issues I have started back at work one day a week. And even then, it is only a half day. So basically I need to get over it, but working when you have a child requires a level of organisation I simply can't attain. For starters, you have to have your clothes ironed and your hair washed and your bag packed ready to go. As my Mum told me the first day I worked and she looked after Heike, "It's best to do these things the night before." Thanks, Mum. Stroke of genius there. But for me to have it done by the night before I have to be thinking about it three or four days before. That's just how disorganised I am. So there's that. Not to mention on top of that you have to have your child's (or children's, god forbid you multi-childed geniuses!) stuff organised, so clothes, food, bottles etc. THEN my job requires a decent amount of forward preparation as I have to write quite a bit of copy beforehand, but usually I only realise this the morning that I have to work. The night before if I'm lucky.
THEN right, okay, I had really bad anger and PMS issues last week. I'm just going to put it out there. I was foul. This wasn't helped by an equally disorganised and hopeless husband who *may* have changed the dates of the holiday I booked under his orders because he had to work and *may* have forgotten his daughter's first birthday when planning a work trip and *may* also be away for work on mother's day and *may* just generally be annoying when I have PMS. So when I finally put Heike in bed after a long day and made dinner, I mostly didn't feel like writing or engaging in life. In fact on one occasion I considered painting my toenails, but decided instead to sit on the couch and frown. It was entirely more satisfying.
Just to finish, I also had a really annoying pediatrician appointment that made me more paranoid than I already am naturally (it was thought impossible, but clearly was not), had a bit of a mothering fail where I turned my back for two seconds and Heike was nearly-potentially-badly hurt (escaped unscathed thank GOD) and cried a few times for no reason. So.
I DID start a post at one point, which was something I really wanted to get down and will post tomorrow as it will be more relevant then. In the meantime, take solace in the fact that someone was grumpier and more hopeless than you last week. And that person was me.
Have you ever had a really bad week?
Z xx
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