Night Terrors

After having a baby who only ever woke at night to feed and slept through from a very early age, it's quite a shock to suddenly have her waking at night. Heike has always had the odd whimper at night, and has always either put herself back to sleep or had a dummy sneakily popped in her mouth by a loving parent. But now she's given up the dummy (herself, I wish she would still take it) the second option is out the window, and suddenly she's been waking up INCONSOLABLE.

My first strategy is to ignore her. Just in case he isn't sure, I will yell "IGNORE" at Justus as soon as I hear that first little cry. It usually starts off as a little whimper or even a bit of a chat, so it's not like I'm leaving her in there crying her heart out. Occasionally she will put herself back to sleep but lately we usually move on to step two, which is escalated crying.

At this stage I generally go in and employ the "pat and shush" methodology perfected in the early no-day-sleeping days. This generally calms her down but requires a LOT of patience, particularly at 3am. Again, this can sometimes get her back to sleep but can also often lead to step three, ridiculous out of control screaming.

At this point one of us will usually pick Heike up and carry her around the house, bouncing up and down like fools and singing nursery rhymes or, in the case of Justus, really out of tune made up songs. By this point you're lucky if she'll go back to sleep. This morning we got so desperate that we put her in bed with us, which caused her to LOSE IT and cry in a way I've never heard before - completely out of control shrieking. The poor darling clearly wanted something we weren't giving her. At nine months Heike is 10.5 kilos and has three big bottles and three meals a day, so I simply don't believe she's hungry. But I also don't see how a baby getting teeth would wake at the same time every night. We'll try another blanket tonight, but I'm not sure that's it either.

While I don't have the answers I can tell you that I'm feeling rather fatigued today. In the end Justus gave Heike a bottle at 5 o'clock this morning and put her back into bed where she chatted away until drifting back into slumber at six for another hour. WHO KNOWS what is going on with this child!?

LUCKILY, Heike is particularly cute and does nothing but delight me during the day. How can you feel lethargic when you have this darling little person smiling at you all day?

My gorgeous little night owl

Z xx

Tip Toey Joey's

No matter what I do lately, Heike will always kick her socks off. This isn't ideal considering the freezing nature of the weather lately, and can cause socially inappropriate Asian men to chastise me for not dressing my child properly (she had socks on when I left the house I SWEAR!). A girlfriend told me that the solution to this dilemma is to put some well-fitting shoes over the socks. That'll show 'em!

I decided that since Heike is beginning to toddle around (with help) anyway, and we are headed to Germany in seven weeks, I'd invest in a decent pair of shoes for her that she can wear every day. I looked at a few different pairs but ended up deciding on some pink sandals made by Aussie brand Tip Toey Joey. The sandals are completely leather and have soft, flexible soles, which are recommended for babes of this age who still have sensitive little tootsies.

The sizing is quite generous - Heike is 9 months and the 9-12 month size is actually a little big on her, which is surprising as she is already in a size one in most clothes! Clearly she has dainty feminine feet (so I tell myself). This kind of defeats the purpose of buying the shoes since at this stage they don't actually stay on...but I wasn't buying the smaller size when she would inevitably grow out of them in a month or so.

Heike's new kicks

These little babies didn't come cheap - $57, for which price I could have bought myself a pair of leather shoes! But I'm hoping there will be a little sister or friend who will reuse them one day.

The cuteness of the shoes is totally worth the price anyway!

Z xx

Soccer Mum

I was eleven when I first started playing soccer, getting into it because my Dad, Mum and brother (and eventually even my little sister) all played. A head taller than all the other girls and completely out of touch with where my legs ended or arms began, I wasn't exactly a natural - in fact, I was one of the worst on the team, generally stuck on the wing where I couldn't cause too much trouble. Still, I got to run around with my friends every Sunday and wear a bright purple and green uniform I could easily coordinate hair ribbons with, and thus began my long love affair with the sport.

As I progressed into my teens, stopped having growth spurts (it took a while) and got a fairly good grasp on the rules and tactics of soccer, I gradually became an okay player. I was never the fastest or fittest girl on the team but eventually I wasn't being subbed out and moved into the centre midfield. Sundays became my favourite day and my fitness was the best it had ever been. Just when I started getting good, I discovered alcohol, met my husband and moved away to Sydney where I didn't know anyone. That was six years ago.

My New Year's Resolution this year was to get into soccer again. Despite having never previously maintained one such resolution, I managed to contact my local club and get a spot in a team of girls who had either never played before or not played in a long time. Perfect!

I am loving playing soccer again, in fact it is pretty much the highlight of my week - I wake up perky and energised each Sunday morning, excited to get to the ground and put my boots on. It's the one thing I do for ME, and I think that's really important and part of it's appeal. Not to mention the fitness benefits - according to Vic Health, these can include increased aerobic capacity, lower body fat and increased muscle tone, and improved health due to the shifting between walking, running and sprinting (you can check out their full spiel here). For me personally, I have noticed a definite difference in my general energy levels, an increased ability to run after Heike during the day and that I am way fitter than my (unfit) husband!

The other great thing about soccer is that it's a team sport. Not only does this motivate me to show up and push myself each week, it's a great way to meet people and socialise - and let's face it, as a new mum any opportunity to socialise is a bonus. I've loved meeting all the girls on my team, who range in age from early 20s to early 50s, and we've shared a couple of beers at the pub already.

So, if you're looking for a way to meet people, get fit and have fun, as well as a great excuse to hand the baby over to your partner each Sunday, I can throughly recommend signing up for your local soccer team, or even starting one with your mother's group.

FYI - We won 6-1 yesterday, and are currently on top of the ladder. The fact that we are in the lowest division somewhat mars this story, but I'm still proud!

Z xx

The Sound Of Music

How many structured activities can an 8 month old possibly do? Heaps, according to the internet! And me, who has signed Heike up for swimming lessons, Gymbaroo, music classes and the odd (free) baby bounce session at the local library.

People generally scoff when I say things like "Oh I'm really busy today, we have babyroo and then a playdate at the park" because, let's face it, my child doesn't walk or talk. But when I originally put our names down for all this fun I was thinking more of myself than Heike - how many hours of entertaining each day can I personally be responsible for, and how many hours of one on one time talking to someone who doesn't talk back can I take before my mental stability is jeopardised? Not many, folks, not many.

Nevertheless I have been pleasantly surprised by some of the activities (I'm not looking at you swimming lessons) and how great they are for Heike's development and general endorphin levels. When we walk into Gymbaroo, Heike literally screams with delight. She looks around the room with a giant smile on her face and screams. Then shrieks. Then squeals. Then screams again. Interestingly the lady at Gymbaroo described Heike as "the most vocal baby she's ever met" but that's another story.

But music has been fabulous too. I'm especially impressed with the instructor who can only be in his early twenties and plays the guitar and sings to tiny babies who are generally more interested in pulling his hair or sucking on his fingers. I don't know many 20-something men who could pull it off with a smile on their face each week (even though the babies are really cute). They do very simple activities that introduce them to the concept of different notes, instruments etc. in a really fun and interactive way. Heike loves it and it is something we plan to continue with as she moves up through the age groups.

We do the lessons through a company called Einsteinz Music, who run programs for kids ages 6 months to 5 years. Check them out here.

We are off to music today and looking forward to it! Hopefully Heike doesn't scream the house down with happiness (she also screamed at music last week, lots) because even though everyone else finds it very funny and endearing, Mummy is somewhat concerned for her ear drums. 

Z xx

Having it All

It's the cliched question you read and hear ALL the time - Can Women Really Have It All? The successful career, the perfect family, the great relationship and the immaculate health record. The answer, whether you like it or not, is no - we can't have it all. We can have a little from Column A and a little from Column B, but ultimately each area is going to suffer as another gets more TLC.

I'm currently experiencing difficulties (sounds like an outcome on my school report) when trying to decide where my life is headed. That is, how many areas of life I want to or should juggle. Right now I'm on maternity leave, and it already feels like a juggling act. Making sure Heike is fed and happy and entertained, keeping things at home running smoothly (clean, washed, sanitary) and keeping my relationship with my husband healthy and happy, not to mention checking in with myself at the end of the day to ensure I'm still sane (the fact that I need to check this with myself each day suggests I've lost that battle). Adding a return to work into the mix sounds dangerous and thoroughly unappealing.

I'll be honest, I'm not a career woman. I've always viewed work as a means to an end, and for as long as I can remember I've wanted a family. So returning to work isn't high on my radar. On top of this, I have a husband who works ridiculous hours, which means there is little room for us to share parenting outside of normal work hours. These factors, combined with the fact that we're in an okay position financially, led us to decide that I probably wouldn't return to work after having Heike, aside from the odd freelance job.

I'm happy with our decision - to an extent. For one, I have zero desire to actually "work". I mean, I'd be happy to go to work and get paid to sit at a desk, alone, for eight hours, but do I really want to do stuff? No, not really.  Furthermore, the thought of sending my sweet, smiley, easily pleased little girl off to spend each day with someone who isn't me makes me feel physically ill - I'm sure all mothers experience this and it's just something you have to get over, but not having to do it would also be great. Finally, I think when one parent already works so much, it's nice for the child to have someone at home - if you are fortunate enough to have that option.

But then there's that niggling guilty feeling. I should be going back to work, right? It's what everyone does. Wouldn't it be nice for Heike to spend time with people, children, instead of just me? Maybe I'm just lazy? Wouldn't it be nice to have my own income? And so it goes.

If I'm completely honest with myself, I don't want to go back to work. It's the best thing for me and my family. But the guilt surrounding that decision has a lot more to do with societal attitudes and expectations than my own feelings and opinions. Every time I tell someone I'm not going back to work, there's a raised eyebrow. A look of surprise. A split second of judgement. And the guilt creeps back in.

So even though my version of having everything is having a happy, healthy family that I get to spend all my time with, I can't have it all - because I can't feel completely comfortable with my choices. Not yet.