These days so many of my friends don't believe in marriage. And why would they? Between the divorce rate and the legalisation and subsequent delegalisation of gay marriage in the ACT and the rising, crazy cost of marriage, it's not exactly appealing. It's also an archaic institution that there is really no legal need for, in terms of having rights in the event of a separation and so forth.
But I am still a massive supporter of marriage.
I was an absolute baby when I got married, in the larger scheme of things. My younger sister is about to turn 22, the age I was when I got engaged, and I look at her and think, wow. But I was always an old soul and always in search of the marriage and kids thing - that was what I wanted to be when I grew up, a wife and a mother. Still, many people questioned WHY we would get married so young, when we really didn't need to.
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| The Happy Couple |
The answer is pretty complex. Obviously as I said, it's something I've always wanted. More than that, I've had a really excellent example of marriage before me my whole life in my parents, who have a wonderful relationship. J also appreciated the long lasting marriage of his parents and the large family they had created. We both wanted to be married before we had kids - that was all we'd known - and we really wanted kids. We also just wanted to make that commitment to each other and have a big party with all our mates to celebrate.
The thing is, marriage did change our relationship. We lived together for 3.5 years before we were married so there was nothing new to discover there. But marriage made our relationship more comfortable. Less complicated. We tried less. We needed less. We became more free.
We were completely aware of our direction, and while we still argued, it was never because of insecurities or doubts. It was because he was home late or I had gotten another parking fine. (J and I really LOVE to argue, also, so we do almost daily on any range of subjects from politics to how many Christmas presents are appropriate for a two year old)
When H was born, I really got a swift lesson in how kids can change your relationship. I remember my Mum telling me that the only thing she and Dad ever argued about (also with relative frequency!) was us kids. This has stuck with me and become clearer and clearer to me on my own parenting journey - see aforementioned argument over Christmas presents. It sounds trite, but I know there are tough times ahead as our children get older and raising them gets more complicated, and I like to think the fact that we are married, that we made that commitment to each other, will get us through. I'm not one to go back on a promise.
Who knows what the future holds. Can I say our relationship will survive anything, that we will never become a statistic? Of course not. There are no guarantees, and life can deal you some rough hands. What I can say is that the last four years have been the happiest of my life, I can't wait to meet the second little baby we made together, and I wouldn't change a thing.
Happy Anniversary, J!
Z x
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