Room Sharing

We've recently put our two kids, currently aged 3.5 and 10 months, into the same room. Prior to that baby W was sleeping in our room and it wasn't working for a couple of reasons - J tosses and turns all night and W is a light sleeper, plus we were ready to get our room back. He's a big healthy boy now and it just felt like time for him to move out.

We do actually have three bedrooms in our house, but the third room is downstairs at the very front of the house and we couldn't work out which child we would banish down there without feeling guilty! We also have no family nearby, which means we often have family come to stay and use the third bedroom for guests. Plus we have no storage, so the wardrobes in our spare room are packed with vacuum cleaners, ironing boards, picnic baskets and pram accessories that would be displaced if we were to fill it with a child's belongings.

So they're in together. And so far it's going okay - we've had just one incidence of them waking one another up, which wasn't as awful as it could have been. Given I was so worried about them sharing and how to manage the logistics of it, I thought I'd share what I've learnt so far for those who are thinking of having their little ones, particularly a toddler and an infant, share a room.

1) Stagger Bed Times

This has been fairly easy for us given W goes down to bed at 7pm and H more like 7.30. That said, there are days when he for example has a long afternoon nap and she has woken up early that morning, and she probably needs to go to bed earlier than him or at the same time. This has not worked for us! First of all, what three year old will accept going to bed before their baby sibling?! Certainly not mine, who aims to assert authority over her brother at all times. Meanwhile putting them to bed together? Forget about it! Too much giggling and crazy carry on, resulting in overtired tears from everyone (possibly even Mum). If you know your toddler is tired, make sure your infant is going to be ready for bed by their usual time, and encourage lots of quiet activity in Mum and Dad's bedroom in the early evening to maintain your usual staggered bed times.

2) Be Smart about Nap Times

W still naps twice a day, morning and afternoon. H is currently on summer holidays but goes back to preschool this Wednesday, which means she will be out of the house most days for his morning nap. But for the last few weeks I've had to keep her out of her room (which has a little play room attached to it full of her toys) for 3-4 hours a day. This has been tricky at times, especially if she's had a friend over and wanted to play upstairs. I've found it's very important to prepare her for the nap by telling her 20 minutes or so before, and asking what she'd like to bring out of her room. This has actually been a great thing to do regardless, as she's bringing things out that often don't see the light of day, and making up lots of new games. W's afternoon nap time is "rest time" for us, so we'll either read books and colour together or watch TV. I'll be honest, we mostly watch an hour of TV - it guarantees she is quiet and restful, and most importantly she doesn't wake up her brother!

3) Set Clear Guidelines about Space

I think this is so important and something that we're only just beginning to do. Like adults each child needs their own space, somewhere they can relax and feel safe and somewhere that reflects their personalities and interests. They also need their own things - special things that are theirs and theirs alone. It's completely possible to achieve this in a shared room, but you need to set guidelines. We've only just started to talk about what area belongs to whom and who owns what. Of course W doesn't really have or need a lot, but we're in the process of setting up his side of the room with some shelves and ornaments, while kind of "girling up" H's side - I'm really not one to go all out on pink but she so is. It's also essential for when arguments break out as they always will, and makes it so much easier to referee ("You know this is her space/his bed/her quiet area" etc.).

4) Be Flexible

Sharing is always going to be more complicated than each child having their own room. There will be fights, there will be disaster nap times and there will be nights when they wake each other up. But there are also loads of benefits. Sharing teaches life skills and can be fun, plus it limits general child mess to one room (or at least, eliminates it from the spare room!). It's good to remember that one bad day doesn't mean you're failing, because it can really feel like it at the time.

Anyone else have any room sharing tips they'd like to share? I'm interested to see how my two both-very-assertive children go as they grow!

Z x