Swiper No Swiping

The title of this post is inspired by a recent experience in music class. We've been going to music since H was not quite 6 months old, and we love it. As you can imagine, after more than a year of attendance H not only knows the drill but rules the roost. It's in her personality - she loves to show off and be the boss, and is usually the dominant personality in any group or pairing (sigh). I already genuinely feel sorry for her future teachers.

We've just started a new term and are in our last term of 1-2 years classes, so not only is H the second oldest and bossiest in the group, but there was an influx of unfamiliar, younger toddlers.

This didn't sit well with our Madame (whose name means "Ruler of the House" - what were we thinking?!). Unfortunately, whenever things aren't quite going her way she tends to lash out. And by lash out, I mean hit.

I have what is probably the textbook "wrong" reaction to these outbursts, which is to reprimand her loudly, force her to say sorry and then apologise effusively to the parents and victim. Recently the carers at daycare have told me to say "It makes Milly feel sad when you hit her, and it hurts - don't hit", and I do try this. It's just not that easy to react rationally when you feel the wrath of a wounded parent (whose child, incidentally, couldn't care less) bearing down on you.

Anyway, on this particular occassion H hit a little girl who was probably a few months younger than her, and her Mum reacted by firmly saying"Swiper no Swiping!"!?! I think the Mum just genuinely didn't know how to react, much as I don't know how to react on the other end, but I couldn't help but laugh. We are big Dora fans in our house and the reprimand made H squeal with delight.

Being the mother of a little swiper isn't easy though, let me tell you! You constantly feel judged, worried and terrified of playgrounds. You're always wondering if you're reacting appropriately, if you're strict enough, if there's something off in their moral fibre that makes them physically abusive and if all the other parents are whispering about your violent child behind your back! While I know logically that MANY toddlers hit, push or bite, it can frequently feel like yours is the only one.

Visiting a play centre two weeks ago, we were on the other end of the exchange. H was playing happily with a toy train when a much smaller toddler (about 14 months) approached her and latched onto her hand - with his mouth! He bit her pretty hard and sort of gnawed on her hand for a couple of seconds. It all happened pretty quickly but by the time I stepped in she was devastated and had some pretty impressive bite marks on her little hand.

The boy's mother was horrified and had been distracted by her two older kids fighting. I felt for her. I have walked MANY miles in her shoes (well, somewhat less bitey and more hitty shoes) and realistically know there is no way you can control a 14 month old's behaviour, only encourage the good and discourage the bad. I'm sure this little boy will bite a few more kids before he learns it's not on.

Still, it's not nice to see your child get hurt. I was really understanding with the little boy's Mum and agreed that yes, they all do it. She seemed to appreciate that. But I did gain some insight into how it feels to see your child be on the receiving end. So I guess I'll be a little more understanding of those glowering mothers in the future!

Z x