The Question of Manners

As someone who has worked as both a teacher and a nanny, I have seen many sides to many kids. I have seen a full classroom of kids, that's 30 separate children, behave like absolute monsters. I've seen these same 13-year-old kids (boys!) outside of school holding hands with their Dad. I have seen the normally sweet, mild mannered little girl I nannied be incredibly rude and mean to her friends on occasion.

So I guess my point here is, no child is perfect. I've always told myself to remember this, because there's nothing worse than a parent who can't see faults in their kids.

When I was younger, our parents never assumed we were in the right when it came to disagreements with our mates. In fact, my Mum usually assumed I was in the wrong, and she was usually right because I was an incredibly bossy and forthright kid. Even though I sometimes hated her for automatically assuming I'd done or said something naughty, it taught me an important parenting lesson - remember, your child is flawed.

Sit down and have a think about all of your flaws. All of your husband's flaws. All of your best friend's flaws. I'm willing to bet my savings that none of you are perfect. So it makes sense that the same is true of your kids.

I was reading this article on Mamamia today in which the author recounted punishing another child's bad manners. The author wondered if she'd overreacted. Absolutely not, I thought - you have to call bad manners out where you see them, and I frequently do, if somewhat more forcefully with my own child than others'. But reading the comments on the article, a trend begins to appear - about 80% of the commenters are perfect parents with perfect children! What do you know?!

It's frustrating to read the comments because when you really look at them, so many parents are pointing out that their kids are really well mannered, but none of their friends are. What is wrong with all these friends' parents? Huh?! I'm guessing they are also posting about their child's perfect manners (but that other kid, the original commenter's kid? What a potty mouth!)

I guess the point I want to make is that in my sizeable test pool, not one child I have worked with is perfect. Not ONE. Yes, some are worse than others. Some make me want to come home and administer an alcohol drip, whereas others' behaviour can be cured with a stern look. Good parenting DOES matter, in fact it's the most important thing - some of the best advice I received as a teacher was that the students with good parents can always be put in place with the threat of a call home to Mum. The ones with not so good parents will tell you they don't give a f@#! - and they'll say f@#!.

Good manners are essential in life. If you don't have manners, you won't have friends. Or, likely, a job. By all means, fly the flag for good manners. Reprimand other kids. But try not to forget that no one's perfect - not even your precious baby.

Z x