While being a Mum can be difficult at times, it's generally nothing I wasn't prepared for. Sleepless nights were a given. Tantrums, while more difficult to cope with than I probably imagined, were expected. It's shitty when your kids are sick but nothing I can't handle.
The one thing about motherhood that I wasn't prepared for is the constant, unrelenting feeling of guilt that accompanies the role. I swear, 90% of the time I feel guilty about something. And it SUCKS.
This week has been hard, guilt wise. I was struck down with a nasty sinus infection which only cleared up yesterday, so it's safe to say I haven't been on my game, Mum-wise. There's been a little too much TV watching. Not enough lovingly prepared, healthy meals. Lots of snappy moments. Story times have been cut short. And, worst of all, H has been to daycare 3 days IN A ROW for the first time EVER and I feel TERRIBLE.
H started daycare when she was 14 months old on Mondays and Wednesdays and it's never been a problem - she loves it. I also never felt guilty about it as I was working, which I feel is a positive thing for both of us. More recently I left my job and haven't been working on those daycare days. So there's massive guilt surrounding that, but I don't want to pull her out as I want to keep her place for when I start working again.
Meanwhile, we've changed her days to Wednesday/Thursday - this was going to be the first week of two consecutive days, then we went and upped the intensity by asking for an extra day on Tuesday because I was confined to bed. Because J had to drop off and pick up on Tuesday, she was at daycare pretty much from 7.30 until 6, which BROKE MY HEART - I was actually covered in blankets sobbing at 5.30pm imagining her waiting for me. Then both yesterday and today she has told me that she is "Not going to daycare anymore again!" which just fills me with self worth.
Ultimately I have to continually remind myself that these are really small things and are not going to affect her long-term - she will not remember this one week that she had three long days at daycare (which of course many kids do, but their Mums are working!), and she will not become a serial killer just because she watches TV for 45 minutes each evening.
When I do cook her beautiful meals she doesn't actually eat them, and for all those mistakes I do make she's pretty damn lucky to be loved and cared for as much and as well as she is. I mean, I'm a disorganised, indulgent sap most of the time but I couldn't love the kid more. Still, the guilt lingers.
I even feel guilt towards my unborn child - guilty that I don't get time to sit and daydream about him/her as much as I did with H, guilty that I haven't eaten as well or exercised as much as I did the first time, guilty for that wine I had with dinner the other night and guilty that as loved and wanted as s/he is it's sadly all about bossy big sister at the moment. It's exhausting!
As much as I talk myself down, I just don't think the guilt will ever leave me - it comes with the territory, right?
What have you felt guilty about this week?
Z x
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Leisurely Stroll
Those of you with small children will know that there is nothing more relaxing than taking a stroll with a toddler.
Except, well, anything else you can think of.
Walks with toddlers - when they refuse to sit in their pram or you naively think "It's just around the corner - let's leave the stroller at home" - are laborious events that take approximately 700 times longer than they reasonably should and leave you needing a stiff drink at 11am.
In my house, the Toddler Walk is a five step process.
Step One - Actually Leave the House
This is more difficult than it sounds when the toddler in question refuses to eat breakfast, wear a nappy, brush their teeth and hair or get dressed. Each of these tasks takes at least 20 minutes of bribing and coaxing and has an 80% chance of ending in a tantrum, which can last anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Meaning preparing to leave takes a minimum of 1.5 hours and can take much longer on a bad day. On top of this you need to prepare snacks and water just to walk to the park 500 metres away, knowing that said walk will probably be a twenty minute trip each way and you may not even make it to the park before nap time.
Step Two - Begin Walking
This sounds simple, right? I mean it's a one foot in front of the other type situation. WRONG! Once on the footpath, your toddler is wont to decide s/he would like to sit down. Perhaps take her shoes off. Certainly take her hat off. Allow at least ten minutes for setting off in the right direction.
Step Three - Keep Child on Task
The footpath that we take for granted is a place of wonder and fascination for a toddler. Flowers? They'll need to be inspected for some time. Dog poo? There's going to be a conversation about that. Leaves? Don't seem interesting, but did you ever know there were so many different types? You will need to constantly remind your child of the final destination and encourage them to keep moving, which may lead to one or more tantrums. This brings me to...
Step Four - Mitigate Dramas
No walk with a toddler is drama free. Parents can be faced with all kinds of obstacles, including preventing their children from picking all the neighbours prized roses, begging them to PLEASE not touch the dog poo, calming down a child who suddenly insists they never wanted to go to the park in the first place or desperately ringing a neighbours doorbell in hope of retrieving their child's favourite book, which was dropped into a locked mailbox. Drama mitigation can be aided by the dispensing of snacks, which often means all snacks have been exhausted by the time you arrive at your destination and your child declares they are starving.
You may have now reached your destination. Frequently, you may have turned back only five houses from yours when you decided it was all too hard. If you did make it, congratulations! It's now time for...
Step Five - Carry Them All The Way Home
No way are you going through that again, even if you are four months pregnant and your child weighs over 14 kilograms. It's not worth the hassle.
There are many fun things to do with a toddler - a walk is generally not one of them. Savour the pram for as long as you can!
Z x
Except, well, anything else you can think of.
Walks with toddlers - when they refuse to sit in their pram or you naively think "It's just around the corner - let's leave the stroller at home" - are laborious events that take approximately 700 times longer than they reasonably should and leave you needing a stiff drink at 11am.
 |
| This sweet picture is somewhat misleading... |
In my house, the Toddler Walk is a five step process.
Step One - Actually Leave the House
This is more difficult than it sounds when the toddler in question refuses to eat breakfast, wear a nappy, brush their teeth and hair or get dressed. Each of these tasks takes at least 20 minutes of bribing and coaxing and has an 80% chance of ending in a tantrum, which can last anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Meaning preparing to leave takes a minimum of 1.5 hours and can take much longer on a bad day. On top of this you need to prepare snacks and water just to walk to the park 500 metres away, knowing that said walk will probably be a twenty minute trip each way and you may not even make it to the park before nap time.
Step Two - Begin Walking
This sounds simple, right? I mean it's a one foot in front of the other type situation. WRONG! Once on the footpath, your toddler is wont to decide s/he would like to sit down. Perhaps take her shoes off. Certainly take her hat off. Allow at least ten minutes for setting off in the right direction.
Step Three - Keep Child on Task
The footpath that we take for granted is a place of wonder and fascination for a toddler. Flowers? They'll need to be inspected for some time. Dog poo? There's going to be a conversation about that. Leaves? Don't seem interesting, but did you ever know there were so many different types? You will need to constantly remind your child of the final destination and encourage them to keep moving, which may lead to one or more tantrums. This brings me to...
Step Four - Mitigate Dramas
No walk with a toddler is drama free. Parents can be faced with all kinds of obstacles, including preventing their children from picking all the neighbours prized roses, begging them to PLEASE not touch the dog poo, calming down a child who suddenly insists they never wanted to go to the park in the first place or desperately ringing a neighbours doorbell in hope of retrieving their child's favourite book, which was dropped into a locked mailbox. Drama mitigation can be aided by the dispensing of snacks, which often means all snacks have been exhausted by the time you arrive at your destination and your child declares they are starving.
You may have now reached your destination. Frequently, you may have turned back only five houses from yours when you decided it was all too hard. If you did make it, congratulations! It's now time for...
Step Five - Carry Them All The Way Home
No way are you going through that again, even if you are four months pregnant and your child weighs over 14 kilograms. It's not worth the hassle.
There are many fun things to do with a toddler - a walk is generally not one of them. Savour the pram for as long as you can!
Z x
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Sick!
Ah! Life is such a cow sometimes, am I right?! Little Miss has managed to pass her deathly flu onto not only me but members of our extended family after a family event on the weekend, so we're all just dealing with that at the moment.
On Monday the two of us were home sick together and managed to lie in bed most of the day, which was sort of nice in its own way until I became convinced I was going to die and needed to go to hospital. At this point my much more rational husband had to come home and talk me down (as well as apply cool cloths to my head and feet, which helped!).
So we have been a sick little family, and hopefully dear little growing baby hasn't been affected too much - according to my doctor Mum cops it harder to shield bub, which is equal parts comforting and disappointing.
Meanwhile sickness has brought another unexpected surprise - epic, out of this world tantrums! Hooray! I am trying to remain zen about this "phase" but my own sickness and pregnancy has seen me be more of an emotional wreck than ever this week. This morning I burst into tears during tantrum, after tantrum and then later when recollecting tantrum, due to feeling helpless, relieved and guilty respectively.
We have just started the Parent Toddler Program (PTP) at our local Montessori School, so my current strategy for dealing with tantrums is to Montessori-fy the home. I have enlisted J to build a Montessori-style toy shelf (see here) and am in the process of stripping back H's cupboards so that everything is age and season appropriate, meaning she will be able to select her own outfit each day and not have a fit about whatever it is I choose.
Hopefully this is effective! I will try to update you more on our learnings and experiences at Montessori as our term continues. We have just put our names down on the school's wait list and are kind of praying to get in after a tour last week.
Okay, I am going to go and have a lay down while I can!
Z x
On Monday the two of us were home sick together and managed to lie in bed most of the day, which was sort of nice in its own way until I became convinced I was going to die and needed to go to hospital. At this point my much more rational husband had to come home and talk me down (as well as apply cool cloths to my head and feet, which helped!).
So we have been a sick little family, and hopefully dear little growing baby hasn't been affected too much - according to my doctor Mum cops it harder to shield bub, which is equal parts comforting and disappointing.
Meanwhile sickness has brought another unexpected surprise - epic, out of this world tantrums! Hooray! I am trying to remain zen about this "phase" but my own sickness and pregnancy has seen me be more of an emotional wreck than ever this week. This morning I burst into tears during tantrum, after tantrum and then later when recollecting tantrum, due to feeling helpless, relieved and guilty respectively.
We have just started the Parent Toddler Program (PTP) at our local Montessori School, so my current strategy for dealing with tantrums is to Montessori-fy the home. I have enlisted J to build a Montessori-style toy shelf (see here) and am in the process of stripping back H's cupboards so that everything is age and season appropriate, meaning she will be able to select her own outfit each day and not have a fit about whatever it is I choose.
Hopefully this is effective! I will try to update you more on our learnings and experiences at Montessori as our term continues. We have just put our names down on the school's wait list and are kind of praying to get in after a tour last week.
Okay, I am going to go and have a lay down while I can!
Z x
Thursday, October 17, 2013
High Temps All Round
Sydney is a toasty 34 degrees today, with killer winds to boot. From where I'm sitting the sky is an ominous black-orange hue and the air is thick with smoke that the pyro in me can't help but inhale with glee. Somewhere (the Blue Mountains I think) fires are burning, despite a total fire ban in place across the city.
Meanwhile, someone else is feeling the heat too - little H has a temp of 38.3 and rising. I've just administered Panadol and am hoping this eases some of her pain, which has made itself evident by her falling asleep randomly twice today. Usually sleep during the day is a well planned bonus so this was very unlike her.
Anyway, I am such a hopeless nurse I have stripped her down and popped her in front of the television. This is my constant struggle at the moment - limiting TV intake to a child who would do nothing but watch it if she could. So I'm feeling pretty bad about using it as my babysitter this afternoon, but honestly, what else does one do with a sick child? How many stories can I read before we both go slightly bonkers?
If we weren't a household of invalids, we would likely be cooling off at the beach or pool this afternoon. But come December, we will almost certainly be cooling off at the new WET AND WILD SYDNEY!!
I am a theme park aficionado from way back and Wet n' Wild was always my absolute favourite, combining my love of adrenaline with my love of water. Clearly many others feel the same, because not only does it always have the longest queues, but they're now opening a second one in good ol' Sydders.
I am beyond excited despite a) Pregnancy meaning I won't be able to go on any of the rides this summer and, b) Serious concerns about the crowds. If nothing else I can see H and I lounging by the Wave Pool or going crazy in the kiddie section and I have already enlisted my husband to be my sister's new ride partner. I've heard complaints about the prices but $120 will get you 21 visits, which is pretty darn affordable I reckon - particularly given the price for single entry is set to be around the $70 mark.
Well, with that in mind I'm off to stick my head in the freezer. Bring on healthy toddlers and local water parks!
Z x
Meanwhile, someone else is feeling the heat too - little H has a temp of 38.3 and rising. I've just administered Panadol and am hoping this eases some of her pain, which has made itself evident by her falling asleep randomly twice today. Usually sleep during the day is a well planned bonus so this was very unlike her.
Anyway, I am such a hopeless nurse I have stripped her down and popped her in front of the television. This is my constant struggle at the moment - limiting TV intake to a child who would do nothing but watch it if she could. So I'm feeling pretty bad about using it as my babysitter this afternoon, but honestly, what else does one do with a sick child? How many stories can I read before we both go slightly bonkers?
If we weren't a household of invalids, we would likely be cooling off at the beach or pool this afternoon. But come December, we will almost certainly be cooling off at the new WET AND WILD SYDNEY!!
 |
| Woohoo! |
I am beyond excited despite a) Pregnancy meaning I won't be able to go on any of the rides this summer and, b) Serious concerns about the crowds. If nothing else I can see H and I lounging by the Wave Pool or going crazy in the kiddie section and I have already enlisted my husband to be my sister's new ride partner. I've heard complaints about the prices but $120 will get you 21 visits, which is pretty darn affordable I reckon - particularly given the price for single entry is set to be around the $70 mark.
Well, with that in mind I'm off to stick my head in the freezer. Bring on healthy toddlers and local water parks!
Z x
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Cafes are Super Fun Happy Places!
Today writer Catherine Deveny has tried something entirely refreshing for her (!) and written a column that's entire purpose is to invoke controversy and vitriol, thus increasing her exposure across social and other media. As much as Deveny perpetually shits me to tears and I'm loathe to give her the intended reaction, I feel I simply must respond.
You see, she has written an (actually often amusing) article bemoaning the trend towards taking children to cafes. I'm not going to argue with her on one point - kids in cafes are absolute nightmares. I wrote about it myself pre-child and I still agree. But given the number of mothers with small kids I know, all of whom sometimes frequent cafes, I can hardly describe such mums as "wishing they were cool" or "cultured" - in fact I think she's misreading the looks of terror on their faces from the moment they walk in the door as "smug". Perhaps a course in body language is required.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE taking my two year old into a cafe. I love wrangling her stiff and screaming body into a high chair while she kicks my pregnant stomach with the strength of someone possessed. It's so FUN to have my coffee while she throws fruit at me and screams "muffin". I get so MUCH out of conversations with friends that are constantly interrupted by my child banging her head against the table. It's just a relaxing and enjoyable experience all round! Particularly if I'm there with a girlfriend who also has a toddler - double the laughs! Good times!
By now you're sitting there saying, "Okay, we get it, she hates cafes with her kids - so why does she take them?"
The short answer is, I don't know. I'm bored shitless at home? I like being reminded that there is civilisation outside of parks and children's' play centres? I'm completely bonkers?
But having a think about it I guess I can pinpoint two central reasons.
Firstly, I have many friends of an entirely different breed to myself - childless friends. These strange beings are completely oblivious to the often horrific reality of toddlers, let alone toddlers in a confined adult-centred space, and can't understand why they need to be subjected to my cheap tea and bad cooking when they could be frequenting their favourite local haunt. Often, they suggest meeting up in a cafe. How cute, I imagine they think. I'll catch up with my friend and her totally cute baby and then post a pic on Instagram! Fun!
Little do they know this will turn out to delay their own childbearing by a minimum of three years. I suppose I agree to such outings because it's really a one off - as soon as they've done it once, it's Bushell's and undercooked brownies at my place for all future catch ups.
Secondly, I think sometimes I genuinely forget. I mean, I was a normal person for twenty plus years before I had a child. I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted (wow, I'm getting depressed now) and trips to the cafe were almost a daily occurrence. Sometimes I wander in for a coffee before I realise what I'm doing, and before I know it I'm covered in strawberry milkshake and ordering a side of Valium. I can't count the times I've said "never again" but then I find myself there two weeks later reliving the horror.
I've only been at this for two years and maybe I'm just getting used to the fact that I'm now a mother, which means I come complete with an utterly delightful little monster and am apparently no longer welcome in cafes or other civilised public locations. But hey, this motherhood gig is hard, so I urge the Deveny's of the world to put some headphones in and thank GOD you're reading the paper alone while we're dealing with the feral kids. Our kids probably could be somewhere more appropriate than a cafe, but let us work that out for ourselves.
You see, she has written an (actually often amusing) article bemoaning the trend towards taking children to cafes. I'm not going to argue with her on one point - kids in cafes are absolute nightmares. I wrote about it myself pre-child and I still agree. But given the number of mothers with small kids I know, all of whom sometimes frequent cafes, I can hardly describe such mums as "wishing they were cool" or "cultured" - in fact I think she's misreading the looks of terror on their faces from the moment they walk in the door as "smug". Perhaps a course in body language is required.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE taking my two year old into a cafe. I love wrangling her stiff and screaming body into a high chair while she kicks my pregnant stomach with the strength of someone possessed. It's so FUN to have my coffee while she throws fruit at me and screams "muffin". I get so MUCH out of conversations with friends that are constantly interrupted by my child banging her head against the table. It's just a relaxing and enjoyable experience all round! Particularly if I'm there with a girlfriend who also has a toddler - double the laughs! Good times!
By now you're sitting there saying, "Okay, we get it, she hates cafes with her kids - so why does she take them?"
The short answer is, I don't know. I'm bored shitless at home? I like being reminded that there is civilisation outside of parks and children's' play centres? I'm completely bonkers?
But having a think about it I guess I can pinpoint two central reasons.
Firstly, I have many friends of an entirely different breed to myself - childless friends. These strange beings are completely oblivious to the often horrific reality of toddlers, let alone toddlers in a confined adult-centred space, and can't understand why they need to be subjected to my cheap tea and bad cooking when they could be frequenting their favourite local haunt. Often, they suggest meeting up in a cafe. How cute, I imagine they think. I'll catch up with my friend and her totally cute baby and then post a pic on Instagram! Fun!
Little do they know this will turn out to delay their own childbearing by a minimum of three years. I suppose I agree to such outings because it's really a one off - as soon as they've done it once, it's Bushell's and undercooked brownies at my place for all future catch ups.
Secondly, I think sometimes I genuinely forget. I mean, I was a normal person for twenty plus years before I had a child. I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted (wow, I'm getting depressed now) and trips to the cafe were almost a daily occurrence. Sometimes I wander in for a coffee before I realise what I'm doing, and before I know it I'm covered in strawberry milkshake and ordering a side of Valium. I can't count the times I've said "never again" but then I find myself there two weeks later reliving the horror.
I've only been at this for two years and maybe I'm just getting used to the fact that I'm now a mother, which means I come complete with an utterly delightful little monster and am apparently no longer welcome in cafes or other civilised public locations. But hey, this motherhood gig is hard, so I urge the Deveny's of the world to put some headphones in and thank GOD you're reading the paper alone while we're dealing with the feral kids. Our kids probably could be somewhere more appropriate than a cafe, but let us work that out for ourselves.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
And Then There Were Two
Lately, blogging, writing, cooking and other things I enjoy have been sidelined. Firstly because the last six weeks have been consumed with traveling, including getting ready to travel and recovering from said travel. We enjoyed a beautiful family holiday in the US that was for once largely devoid of drama and left me feeling relaxed and motivated.
Secondly, and more truthfully, I've neglected my hobbies due to my second pregnancy, which we found out about in early July. This little baby was very wanted and we were ecstatic to find out about his/her imminent arrival. That said, I quickly realised how easy I had it the first time around. This pregnancy came complete with round-the-clock nausea and absolute exhaustion, which I'm sure was exacerbated by having a toddler around. I actually remember thinking "How can I ever do this again?" although now that I'm feeling better I'm already forgetting quite how bad I felt.
Our holiday was the light at the end of the tunnel that is the first trimester, and I came home well and truly out the other side. I'm now at the infinitely more pleasant stage of burgeoning baby bumps and exciting tummy flutters and finally feel ready to re-enter the kitchen without gagging. Toddler nap times can officially be used more productively than me falling asleep on the lounge for two hours and foods other than bread and pasta have recently been reintroduced to my diet.
I'm sure that baby number two will bring many more challenges to overcome and many more heart melting moments, and with those many more stories to share. Right now I am enjoying being home, being warm and spending time with my dear H, who has benefited from some much needed Daddy time over the holidays and seems to be reassessing the choice of "No!" as her favourite word.
More to come soon,
Z x
Secondly, and more truthfully, I've neglected my hobbies due to my second pregnancy, which we found out about in early July. This little baby was very wanted and we were ecstatic to find out about his/her imminent arrival. That said, I quickly realised how easy I had it the first time around. This pregnancy came complete with round-the-clock nausea and absolute exhaustion, which I'm sure was exacerbated by having a toddler around. I actually remember thinking "How can I ever do this again?" although now that I'm feeling better I'm already forgetting quite how bad I felt.
Our holiday was the light at the end of the tunnel that is the first trimester, and I came home well and truly out the other side. I'm now at the infinitely more pleasant stage of burgeoning baby bumps and exciting tummy flutters and finally feel ready to re-enter the kitchen without gagging. Toddler nap times can officially be used more productively than me falling asleep on the lounge for two hours and foods other than bread and pasta have recently been reintroduced to my diet.
I'm sure that baby number two will bring many more challenges to overcome and many more heart melting moments, and with those many more stories to share. Right now I am enjoying being home, being warm and spending time with my dear H, who has benefited from some much needed Daddy time over the holidays and seems to be reassessing the choice of "No!" as her favourite word.
More to come soon,
Z x
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