Except, well, anything else you can think of.
Walks with toddlers - when they refuse to sit in their pram or you naively think "It's just around the corner - let's leave the stroller at home" - are laborious events that take approximately 700 times longer than they reasonably should and leave you needing a stiff drink at 11am.
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| This sweet picture is somewhat misleading... |
In my house, the Toddler Walk is a five step process.
Step One - Actually Leave the House
This is more difficult than it sounds when the toddler in question refuses to eat breakfast, wear a nappy, brush their teeth and hair or get dressed. Each of these tasks takes at least 20 minutes of bribing and coaxing and has an 80% chance of ending in a tantrum, which can last anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Meaning preparing to leave takes a minimum of 1.5 hours and can take much longer on a bad day. On top of this you need to prepare snacks and water just to walk to the park 500 metres away, knowing that said walk will probably be a twenty minute trip each way and you may not even make it to the park before nap time.
Step Two - Begin Walking
This sounds simple, right? I mean it's a one foot in front of the other type situation. WRONG! Once on the footpath, your toddler is wont to decide s/he would like to sit down. Perhaps take her shoes off. Certainly take her hat off. Allow at least ten minutes for setting off in the right direction.
Step Three - Keep Child on Task
The footpath that we take for granted is a place of wonder and fascination for a toddler. Flowers? They'll need to be inspected for some time. Dog poo? There's going to be a conversation about that. Leaves? Don't seem interesting, but did you ever know there were so many different types? You will need to constantly remind your child of the final destination and encourage them to keep moving, which may lead to one or more tantrums. This brings me to...
Step Four - Mitigate Dramas
No walk with a toddler is drama free. Parents can be faced with all kinds of obstacles, including preventing their children from picking all the neighbours prized roses, begging them to PLEASE not touch the dog poo, calming down a child who suddenly insists they never wanted to go to the park in the first place or desperately ringing a neighbours doorbell in hope of retrieving their child's favourite book, which was dropped into a locked mailbox. Drama mitigation can be aided by the dispensing of snacks, which often means all snacks have been exhausted by the time you arrive at your destination and your child declares they are starving.
You may have now reached your destination. Frequently, you may have turned back only five houses from yours when you decided it was all too hard. If you did make it, congratulations! It's now time for...
Step Five - Carry Them All The Way Home
No way are you going through that again, even if you are four months pregnant and your child weighs over 14 kilograms. It's not worth the hassle.
There are many fun things to do with a toddler - a walk is generally not one of them. Savour the pram for as long as you can!
Z x
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